Predictably enough, drifting douchebags all over the world have started losing control of their Ford Focus RSs, on public roads. This is because - if you believe those Muppets at Ford - the Focus RS is so clever that any douchebag can drift it. Who could possibly have predicted that this would end badly? Waterboard me until the end of time for daring to speak out on what a fundamentally shit idea Ford’s Any Douchebag Can Drift Mode really is. Remember when Graeme Whickman, who runs Ford in Australia, said: “Quite seriously, when you are driving around how often do you see people actively trying to drift their cars?” Well, Mr Whickman, thank you for asking. Happily enough we can now begin to answer your question using empirical data. A recent cruise event hosted by irresponsible muppets from the New York Douchebag Drift Owners’ Club went sideways when one of their drifting douchebag constituents was unable to overcome the delusion that he was in fact Ken Block. The New York Douchebag Drift club was of course quick to state that it did not condone drifting douchebaggery on public roads. I hate arse-covering weasels. They might not condone it; but they certainly facilitated it. They got the drone up, they GoPro-ed the shit out of the ‘looks like we got us a drifting douchebaggery’ convoy. But they ‘don’t condone it’. As entertaining as it is to watch a talentless douchebag let’s be kind ‘adjust the resale value’ of his Focus RS, and it is pretty entertaining, someone could pretty easily have been killed. Another drifting douchebaggery incident outside Motorworld Stuttgardt ended in a near miss, with dozens of pedestrians at risk. If you take both these drifting douchebag incidents, and tweak just a few minor variables - you get carnage. Brought to you by the eerie confluence of Ford engineering and marketing fuckwittery and the zero self restraint capacity of the typical human drifting douchebag driver. And of course douchebag drifting carnage is exactly what will happen soon enough. As a journalist - I’m kinda looking forward to it. Not the carnage or the personal tragedy, but the story. Drift Mode has no purpose other than to elevate risk on a public road. Those dickheads at Ford knows this. It’s merely a matter of time before Douchebag Drift mode kills someone. When this occurs it will sure as shit be captured on 100 cell phones and dash cameras. The driver will be responsible, and so will Ford. It’s called ‘contributory negligence’. Responsibility here is absolutely bilateral, and arguing the case for abrogating Ford's responsibility here is insane. I’m rather looking forward to seeing how Ford deals with that when it actually happens. They are so preposterously shit at communication - it’ll be like a politician at a press conference the day after those interesting, grainy ‘getting acquainted’ images with the ladyboy stripper intern make the front page of the major metro dailies. So, let’s be perfectly clear on this: I’ve had more than enough time to consider what I said initially about Drift Mode in the Focus RS, and look: if you were offended by those comments, because I was terribly outspoken, I am very sincerely - so seriously - committed to giving precisely zero fucks about your poor hurt Any Douchebag Can Drift Mode feelings. Have a concrete sandwich. Harden up. Don’t be an imbecile (it’s undignified) and jam any further criticisms where the Pope, the Holy Father, declines to wash - except if he knows absolutely that nobody’s really watching. Ford’s Any Douchebag Can Drift Mode is an automotive engineering abomination. A very dangerous one.